


Biggest Regret

by blacktithe



Category: Avengers, MCU, Marvel
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-11-04 00:47:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17888330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blacktithe/pseuds/blacktithe
Summary: Bucky doesn’t feel like he deserves the love Y/N is giving him.





	Biggest Regret

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally written for a challenge on Tumblr. The prompt was Redamancy: an act of loving the one who loves you; a love returned in full

Trees swayed gently in the breeze as Bucky looked out across the landscape. It had taken a lot of coercing, but Steve had eventually convinced him to move into the Avengers compound. He’d been afraid that leaving Wakanda would disrupt the delicate balance he’d found there. Looking out across the horizon now, he knew he had been right.

Things had been great at first. He’d slowly built connections with the others. Tony had eventually forgiven him. Sam had become like a brother to him, and Natasha had taken him under her wing, so to speak, showing him a side of her that rarely saw the light of day, but it was meeting you that had turned his world upside down.

You were unlike anyone he had ever met. You were brave and strong, but there was a gentleness to you that took him by surprise. Despite all of the horrors you had seen, you still retained a light that he was drawn to like a moth to the flame. He’d resisted at first, keeping you at arm’s length, but all of that had changed after your first mission together

A bullet had torn through the muscle of his left thigh. He’d tried to tell you that he was fine, but you wouldn’t buy it. You’d forced him to take shelter in an abandoned mine shaft for the night before using your field medic skills to get the bullet out of his leg and treat the wound before it could cause an infection. He may have accelerated healing, but that didn’t mean he was invincible.

Bucky smiled at the memory. Torrential rain had soaked both of you, but you’d been the only one to feel the cold. You’d started shivering, and he had held you against his body in an attempt to share warmth. The team had found the two of you tangled in each other’s arms the next morning. It was a night that changed everything. He hadn’t wanted to spend a night without you by his side since.  _And that’s just the problem_ , he thought.

Dreaming about being recaptured by Hydra was nothing new. He’d lost track of the number of times you had soothed him when he’d awoken in a cold sweat during the night. It was nights like that where he was most grateful to have you sleeping beside him, but those moments of comfort could easily turn to moments terror.

Hands had been forcing him to the ground. He screamed and fought until he’d ended up on top of one of his assailants, his metal hand around their throat. They pushed at him, begging him to stop, but he didn’t let up. It wasn’t until their arms fell limp at their sides that his vision began to clear.

The Hydra agent that had been holding him down shimmered and faded. What took its place chilled him to the bone. His hand was wrapped around your throat. Your eyes closed and lips tinged with blue.

“Oh god,” he gasped. Terror unlike anything he had ever felt gripped his heart. “Y/N? Come on, doll. Open your eyes. Come on, Y/N, please? Somebody get some help!” he screamed through his tears as he cradled your limp body against his chest.

That had been nearly a month ago. Bucky had taken his things and moved to another room after that. It didn’t matter how many times you told him it was okay, that you loved him regardless. He couldn’t take the risk. Hurting you had been the single most painful moment of his life, and he couldn’t go through that again. He wouldn’t put you through it again either.

“Bucky?”

The soft, lilting voice behind him made him go ridged. He didn’t need to turn around to know who was behind him. He’d know that voice anywhere.

“You shouldn’t be here,” he said, his eyes moving from the landscape to the tops of his boots.

He could feel you drawing near long before your hand came to rest on his shoulder. It slid down along his bicep until you were standing beside him, holding his hand.

“Bucky…”

“You shouldn’t be here,” he repeated, the hollow tone of his voice doing little to show how wretched he felt.

“Bucky, please. I want you to come home.”

“I can’t.” His voice wavered. Bucky took a deep breath and looked out across the horizon once more. “I can’t risk hurting you again.”

Your small hand squeezed his much larger one. “It’s not your fault.”

“How can you say that?” His sad blue eyes met yours as he turned to face her. “Look what I did to you. What if… what if I hadn’t stopped? What if I…” His voice clouded with emotion, and Bucky was forced to stop and gather himself. “Hurting you is the one thing I regret most in my life. I can’t risk doing it again. I wouldn’t make it.”

A tear slowly made its way down his cheek.

“How can you even look at me after what I did?” he asked.

“Because I love you.” You reached up to run your thumb along his jaw. “I know what those bastards did to you. I know the stakes, and I’m willing to make that bet. I love you, Bucky Barnes, and I don’t care what excuses you make or reasons you give for me to walk away. I don’t what to go through this world without you. Consequences be damned. I can handle anything this world throws at me as long as I have you.”

Bucky didn’t speak at first. He just stared down into your y/e/c eyes. He expected to see fear and loathing. How could somebody love someone who hurt them? But that wasn’t what he saw. All he saw was the same redamancy and acceptance you’d always given him.

“I love you, Bucky.”

“I love you, too.”

He wrapped you in his arms and pulled you tight against his chest, a single tear finding its way down his face. He didn’t know how the two of you were going to make things work, but you would have to. If Bucky Barnes knew anything, it was that he couldn’t survive without you.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments and kudos.


End file.
